"I don't know how to set limits. But sooner or later the body will speak up," says the influencer and founder of the jewelry brand Vàng Bé Hà Nguyenwho, due to the pressure to perform, began to develop autoimmune eczema and other health problems. "I had to learn to find the stop sign, but I would have preferred to have found it sooner, without all the hassle." In an interview with Nevyhasni, Bé Hà spoke about her Vietnamese roots, the pressure to perform, and the ways in which she maintains her work-life balance today.
In the Czech pond you are one of the more prominent influencers, you are behind the podcast Small or a jewellery brand Vàng. What fulfils you most in your life (currently)? What do you burn for?
It's not so much about what I enjoy more or less, but rather what I'm currently devoting the most energy to. Right now, it's my jewelry. I've been working on my fall collection, and it's all about that. I'm lucky that all the work I do is pretty and I enjoy it. I do different things, but there is a common line between them. I've learned that I'm not superwoman and never will be, even though I've always wanted to master everything. For each time slot, I pick one or two things to invest more energy in, and I don't regret it because I know there will be time for the others later.
From straight A's to workload
Even as a child, you were quite performance-oriented. Your parents insisted that you learn well. You got straight A's until you graduated high school. In your own words, you studied late into the night and sacrificed your free time for excellent results and, later, for your art. How much of a role do you think your Vietnamese roots played in that?
I think a big one. We're a very hard-working nation. I don't think anyone's ever heard of work-life balance in this country. When I was in Vietnam in 2019, I was meeting different people, going to events... I was planning to go back the next year and start a career there, but covid and my partner came into my life, so I stayed. I'm happy in the Czech Republic, in Vietnam I would have started from scratch and still had to be predatory - there you have to be like that all the time, whether you're at the bottom or at the top, because otherwise people will eat you up. In my eyes, I'm still not doing as much as I would like, and if I look at it through an Asian lens, I'm doing very little. But if I bring my Asian setting to a European setting, it's the mark of the ideal - I may be working above average in comparison, but I'm still having fun too.
How do you remember your teenage years in retrospect? How did you manage to function in that setting?
It's not replicable. I've worked till 4 a.m., got up at 7 a.m. and gone again. I don't understand how I could give it. I was living in sleep deprivation 24/7, falling asleep editing videos. But I thought it was okay at the time, somehow it worked and I was happy.
Did this habit from your teenage years contribute to the way you approached your work later on?
I'm sure it is. After I left school, I had the same high demands on me in my job, and that completely put me down for a time. The body will speak up, sooner or later. And when it's later, it's unfortunately more noticeable, so you've really listened to it. I learned my lesson, but on the other hand, I think I am where I am today because of it. I'm more careful about what I choose to do. But I'm glad I went through that period because it gave me so much and trained me in terms of performance and stamina. I had to learn to find a stop sign, but I would have preferred to have found it sooner, without all the hassle.
The body will tell you when it's too much
Gradually, the pressure to perform and perfectionism took a toll on your health. Not only did fatigue set in, but rashes and severe autoimmune eczema impacted on the rest of your body. Could you describe this challenging phase and the symptoms?
I don't know how to set limits. You do this and that, but you still don't find it enough, you keep adding more and more. At the time, I wanted to be that superwoman - work, get an MBA, have a good social and partner life, and be a cook, a cleaner and I don't know what else. The more I couldn't do it, the more I tried. The more I took from my energy reserves, the less I was able to even function normally anymore. The bad thing is, when you go at a higher pace for a longer period of time, sometimes you don't even notice. Maybe you're even looking for the fault somewhere else. It took me a long time to realize that the problems I was having were purely from me. I was functioning in a mode I didn't want to get out of. I added six strength training sessions a week. By this time, a partner had entered my life, something I wasn't used to because I've always been a big soloist. This put me down, eczema and other health complications set in.
In another conversation I was intrigued by your words "I was everywhere then, but at the same time nowhere and there was never quite time for me." What did you mean by that? Did you find your way to yourself?
I'm sure I found my way. I think you can do all kinds of things, but once your body speaks up, you start prioritizing a lot of things. If you're not healthy, you have nothing, despite luck, money or success. I don't know if I can ever 100% eradicate the disease, sometimes it gets better, sometimes worse, but I can correct it with my lifestyle. If I know what was killing me before, I don't want to do it again. I focus more on myself. Ideally I wouldn't have to do anything, but I can't even do that, so I just don't do everything at once.
At first you tried to solve eczema and other difficulties with diet. You eliminated various food components, for example. What did you change and what did it lead to?
I've been through everything in terms of food. The autoimmune protocol (AIP), where you skip "inflammatory" foods, has probably worked the best for me. But it's not long term. It's pretty rough and recommended for maybe one or two months, I stretched it out to six months because those two months were great. But it started to get worse again. Then I tried a purely plant-based diet, paleo... Currently I'm mostly on a plant-based diet, but I eat animal products as well, and I follow an Eastern diet. When I lived with my parents, I didn't have as many skin and digestive problems. When I eat a more Asian diet, I'm at my best. I go to acupuncture, I don't consume too much cold stuff - in the summer, ice cold soda is the worst thing for my constitution - everything should be room or body temperature. Another mistake I probably made was that I used to be very salad-y, even though I made them complex, they weren't two leaves with tomato, they didn't do me any good because they contained a lot of uncooked stuff. I am advised to eat only cooked food from 95 %. This changes a lot of things for me, I didn't used to - I live a fast paced Prague life, no time to cook. They were shortcuts for me.
Working with thoughts
Have therapy and a holistic approach helped you?
I've also tried an awful lot of things in the therapy field, looking for what helps me. Sometimes it was quite bizarre. What I'd like to highlight, and it's free, are the interviews, podcasts, books and other materials from the doctor and neuroscientist Joa Dispenzathat explores emotions, thought patterns, and how the language of your thoughts affects your physical state. We have a lot of thoughts - 50,000 of them go through our heads in a day - and maybe half of them could be wrong. It is something we tell ourselves, something we hurt ourselves with. Joe Dispenza argues that if it is proven (which it is) that you can hurt yourself and attract bad things with your thoughts, you can heal yourself with your thoughts. It's kind of a more scientifically described manifestation. You talk to yourself nicely, you visualize the state you want to be in. Thought work has changed my life. I've experienced on myself that visualization really helps, I've been in the worst skin conditions and it made me a completely different person within five days. He always laughs at it, he says people think it's a miracle, but it's not, we just have the most powerful tools with us but we don't know how to use them.
How did you gradually manage to cope with having to slow down?
In the beginning it was very hard for me to accept the fact that I couldn't work so much. Or not to such an extreme. Working and creating had been my whole life and suddenly I had to cut back. It was so agonizing, I felt incomplete. I felt that if I didn't follow in those footsteps, the whole world would come crashing down. Our existence is based on what we know, on routines. And we feel that once we step out or let go of something along the way, everything will come crashing down. I was used to the hustle and bustle. I was scared and I couldn't imagine letting go of anything. Today, I don't say yes to everything and I don't go to every event. The most interesting realization was that even though I've cut back on a lot of things in my life, nothing has really changed except that I'm a lot better. And I think that's a major realization. I used to tell myself that once I didn't post on all platforms every day, people would stop following me, brands wouldn't engage with me... That didn't happen. The important thing is to be kind to yourself, don't put pressure on yourself. It also helped me a lot to put space in my calendar for relaxation, pilates or massage.
How else do you rest?
The most relaxing thing for me is to put a podcast in my ears and go for a walk. Let's be honest, I'm often lazy, lying at home and scrolling through social media. Walking is a natural movement, I know that in more challenging moments, maybe I wouldn't go for a run, running wouldn't help. From the aforementioned Joe Dispenza, I can still recommend the so-called walking meditations, where you learn to control your mind while moving.
Life is lived offline too
As you mentioned yourself, also in relation to what you do, you spend a lot of time online, on social media. There's a lot of talk about it contributing to mental health problems and negative thoughts. How do you approach social media? How do you feel in a digital environment?
I feel good there. Algorithms give you what you want to see. I want to see things that make me laugh, inspire me... It's about point of view. I can tell myself that someone is having a good time and I'm a loser, but I can also tell myself that they're having a good time, but there was probably something behind it, so maybe if I just try harder, I can achieve that too. The internet is powerful, it will swallow you up, the creators of platforms know this and create them accordingly. It's good to dose and scale. For me, having a time limit on my phone helps - although I don't always manage to stick to it. Life happens mostly outdoors. It's harder for me when my work is online, but the best things have always happened when I'm not glued to a screen. I guess the only times I didn't feel good on the net were when I was generally sick, lying at home, sad about what other people were doing, and I just couldn't. But it's that mind game again. How we feel is often not the fault of others, but our mind-set, what we allow ourselves to feel.
And how do you think about the impact of content on the mental health of your followers?
I'm still putting my lifestyle out there, so it's challenging. But maybe I try not to make my life too lavish, that could hurt someone. I come from a background where I had nothing, I had to work my way up to my current phase. There's a lot of people I look up to who have something I don't, but I look at it with a wish for them.
The May Ambassador Challenge Nevyhasni was focused on digital detox. What is your experience with it? Can you disconnect?
I guess it's getting harder and harder to disconnect. Not being on social media for a while is doable, but downright with airplane mode or your phone turned off, it's challenging, especially when your work involves cally. Ultra strict banning never works in my opinion. The important thing is reasonable dosage and setting your boundaries. I approach it naturally. If one wants to be less on the phone, one should find more manual activities, things that happen outside. The less bored one is at home in bed or on the couch, the more one can collect experiences elsewhere. Just like you can schedule time off on your calendar, you can put blocks of time when you won't be on your phone.
In March, you became the face of the Careers for Gen Z campaign. Do you have any career advice for the younger generation? Maybe even specifically for those who want to pursue/are pursuing a career in soc. networking and influencing?
I'll give you two. The first one is make sure they're yours, because if you do something that somebody else is already doing, it's not the same. I'm not saying you have to be super original at all costs, because you almost can't do that on the internet anymore, but look at the content world through your own eyes and stand by it because that's what works best. What 100% you are, what you like and find entertaining, sooner or later people will catch on. If you really feel it's the one, sooner or later it will break somewhere and you won't even know how.
The second piece of advice is also partly for me - I would have been glad for it in the past. Don't let it eat you up, set boundaries on how much you can take, and communicate that with the people you work with. Think about a proper work-life balance, because as a creator you don't have one. You don't have a beginning or an end to your day. Management is a damn good thing, so it works best if you organise your time similarly - one day just producing, the next day just admin, the third day just editing. Spread it out and be really efficient. Don't get bogged down. That's awfully easy in this business.
