Almost 2 years. I've been dealing with burnout and its symptoms for so long. It seems like a never ending roller coaster ride where I'm once at the top with a smile on my lips and once at the bottom with fear in my eyes. After so long, I've been through it all. And as a volunteer with the Don't Burn Out Project, I want to share my story and the tips that have helped me fight burnout. But most importantly, I want to show you that you must never underestimate your inner emergency brake and when it happens, there is a way out.
When the body can scream no more
JUNE 2022: Yes! I'm finally out! I got kicked out of my first college after 3 1/2 years, and for the next three years. she's been working full time at the studio. At least I'd be an idiot. Suddenly I felt like the fish at the end of Finding Nemo: And now what? The scarecrow disappeared, and there was a void. I couldn't concentrate on anything, all I could do was write back to messages and emails and watch the show. So I took two weeks off work. It helped. I guess.
AUGUST 2022: I'm lying on my parents' couch. My whole right leg is starting to tingle. I stand up and wonder what it could be, but instead of an explanation my brain starts serving me more tidbits - rapid breathing and heartbeat, fainting, cold sweat. I'm only saved by my mom bringing me an acupressure pad. The needles and the pain set me free. I guess.
SEPTEMBER 2022: I'm back in Brno. I'm working late, as has been the custom for the last few years. This time it was a face. It went numb. I didn't notice it at first, but slowly insecurity began to take over. And my brain warmed the soup again - among the black scenarios in my head, the word stroke suddenly appeared. Then I got a chill and a stomachache (classic stress reaction). I read on the internet that anxiety could be to blame. It passed. I felt relieved. Maybe.
NOVEMBER 2022: Prague and busy working days. And that damn face again. But if only that. Half my face was already stiff, I couldn't articulate properly. The next day I went to the neurological emergency room in Brno. "Everything is good. It's probably from the stress and the anxiety you mentioned. I'll prescribe magnesium." It helped. But only for a while.
FIRST HALF OF 2023: Feelings of hopelessness, joy, anxiety, depression, happiness, sadness alternated in me. Always after a while a panic attack came, especially in situations when I was overwhelmed - at a concert, in a café, after a hard day's work... I told myself it would pass. It didn't.
SECOND HALF OF 2023: In July, in a full car on the way to Brno, I had my worst panic attack yet. I was about to tell my passengers to call an ambulance, but I took a magnesium powder and suddenly it passed. But it was the last drop in an already full glass. I decided to take a month off in August. It helped. Enough. But not completely.
OCTOBER 2023: I quit a job I loved and now hated at the same time. In fact, after returning from a hiatus, it turned out to be one of the stressors that kept adding fuel to the fire of my burnout.
NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER 2023: The worst months of my life (so far). After I let it all out and took a total break, things got into full swing. I couldn't get out of bed, I stared at the ceiling for days and was firmly convinced that my life had no meaning.
I experienced depression accompanied by panic attacks, back and head pain, chest pressure, muscle twitching, facial and limb tremors, heart arrhythmias and other psychosomatic manifestations. I would fall asleep and wake up with a terrible restlessness in my body. My head was scrambling unbelievably and inventing black scenarios. I didn't know how to be alone. I wasn't enjoying anything. I didn't go out. I was just lying down.
What helped me get out of burnout
All this would not have happened, if I had stopped at the right moment and not overstepped my bounds. I could have avoided all this if I had listened to my mental crew, who were shouting at me, the captain, to turn the hell off the boat because we were going to hit a reef.
But what if you've already failed, like me? I've got you a few tips that have really helped me over the years(I'm not saying they will help you too, but you can try it and see. 😊)
1. Therapies and techniques
Don't underestimate it and go to therapy. No, you're not crazy. Just you need someone to ask you the right questions and make you think about yourself and your condition. This is how I found out that the reason for my burnout was not primarily stress, but that I was stressed about my values and settings - I am a perfectionist who can't say no (it comes from my childhood, of course). And well hello, burnout.
My therapist also recommended some techniques that can help you with different levels of anxiety:
- 5-4-3-2-1 method - you ground yourself and shift your attention to something else, that is, 5 things you see (a painting, a detail of the floor, trees); 4 things you touch (the mat you sit on, clothes, grass); 3 things you hear (traffic, a dog, the TV); 2 things you smell with your nose (the smell of cooking, a candle or a room); 1 thing you taste on your tongue (the taste of coffee, tea, food)
- let it go - imagine a nice place where you feel good, and let the black scenarios and thoughts float away on a leaf down the river, or let go of a balloon and watch it disappear into the distance
- box breathing - 4 seconds full inhale, 4 seconds hold, 4 seconds full exhale, 4 seconds hold
- deep exhalations - it is proven that when the exhale is longer than the inhale, the body relaxes more and activates its "resting" part of the brain
- Jacobson muscle relaxation - repeated clenching and unclenching of muscles
2. Uncovering Context
Anxiety is actually caused by not having enough information - we are afraid that something will happen, we don't know what will cause everything. The more you know about anxiety and its manifestations, the more you should feel relieved.
I absolutely recommend it course by Pavel Ratajwhich explains anxiety from the beginning and has lots of cool techniques and links. I wrote a whole diary and gave about 50 facepalms.
And also look at this video of TedX talku - it opened my eyes because I started to see anxiety as my friend and not my enemy.
3. Meditation and music
I know, the meditation cliché again. But I have to say. since I started practicing it daily, the morning and evening tensions have gone. She helped me VOS appwho suggested a 14-day program and every day I did some mini-tasks. Today I have a 70-day streak in the app and meditation has become a routine I can't start my mornings without (but sure, I skip them sometimes anyway). And the gentleman who narrated the meditations has a really nice voice!
Any kind of "vibration" - dance, a musical instrument, music itself - also helps with anxiety. So when I feel weird or I feel a rush of anxiety, I'm playing this playlist on Spotify (the sounds of nature, water and birds often put me to sleep). Or I play the piano.
4. Medicines
I haven't gotten as far as antidepressants, so I can't advise you on that. Anyway, I've tried it:
- homeopathics - I think it was mainly the psychological effect, because they are sweet, they have no side effects and I took them regularly, so I always had the feeling that I was taking something and that it would be ok; however, some studies have already confirmed their real effect on health
- magnesium - it makes sense if you take it long term; it has always calmed me down and relieved me of muscle twitches; I recommend buying magnesium with L-threonate or magnesium bisglycinate and at least 800 mg per dose; or have your doctor prescribe Magnosolv, which is a stronger powder form
- Guajacuran - relaxes the skeletal muscles; it has helped me with the tension and stiff muscles that anxiety causes, but it is not advisable to take it long term
5. Detox
Alcohol and caffeine exacerbate anxiety states, so I've cut out alcohol completely (I've been clean since August 2022) and I try to avoid caffeine as much as possible - I drink decaffeinated coffee, but once in a while I'll have a Kofola or green or black tea.
6. Support
Surround yourself with people who will support you, they won't take you for a lazy pig and possibly share their experiences with burnout. Knowing you're not on your own is liberating.
7. Long pause and acceptance of feelings
I took a 3 month break after leaving my job in October 2023. Although I did work a little in between, I took some time for myself and the brain was given room to breathe. But I think the most important thing was that I experienced those states to the fullest. I didn't push them. I didn't try to avoid them. And over time, I felt myself getting better, feeling motivated and finding meaning in things again.
The healing process of the soul is mainly to return to these experiences and ask yourself why something like this happened. Even if it hurts and you don't want to deal with it. And then take a hot bath, go for a walk, get a good night's sleep... And think more about yourself in all of this. 🩷
END OF FEBRUARY 2024: I have to tap, but so far these are my best months in years. The unpleasant conditions have returned once more, but otherwise I feel I am gaining strength and motivation to live and work. My head may be spinning, but this time it's coming up with more exciting ideas about how I can help other people and what services I can offer as a freelancer.
Does our Terka's story sound familiar? Do you experience similar feelings? Don't be afraid to ask for help. This was the first of a series of burnout stories we'll be sharing on our blog. If you're interested in sharing yours, email sara.voldanova@nevyhasni.cz.
